So Saturday night I went out with one of my best girls. She has been married two years in March. They started trying to get pregnant in December 2009, December 2009 I said and she is pregnant. We sat down to dinner and I ordered a drink. She did not she can’t drink with big excited eyes. I pray my reaction was genuine and loving. It is exciting; it’s exciting for her and her DH. She is going to be a fantastic mom. She felt bad telling me since we have been struggling so much but couldn’t keep it in. I’ve been telling myself since the start of this ugly road I won’t get sad, upset, or angry when someone I love gets pregnant. So far I’ve done well with that until Saturday. I kept it in till we parted ways and I was alone in my car. I cried hard and loud. Not because she’s pregnant and I want to be but because she got to have sex with her husband and have a family. I so wish I could just have a great romp in the hay and create a child. After my outburst I re-committed myself to feeling joy for my loved ones. My struggles should never take away from another’s joy that is just selfish. I surround myself with folks I truly love and care for and would hate missing their joys. So I have dug myself in and am back on the support train. I can’t promise I won’t fall off it again but I will work with god everyday at keeping my compassion intact.
My friend has been supportive and compassionate for the last 3 years. She has listened and prayed with me. So doesn’t she deserve the same from me?