Walking the Tight Rope

Ladies and Gentlemen for you viewing pleasure high above us is the Daring and Darling Kristi.  Let’s watch as she crosses the 2 inch wide tight rope of pregnancy.  If she falls it will be sadness, anger, hurt and loss.  Standing at the other end of the rope is her reward  a bouncy baby.  Wait…..to make it even more difficult we are going to shoot darts at her in attempt to get across.

Yep I am still on the tight rope. Yesterday’s US at 7 weeks 3 days showed a yolk sac, fetal pole and an HCG of 90,000+.  But no heartbeat….

The consult ended the same as last week. This isn’t good and you will miscarry soon.  My 2 Doc’s aren’t ready to call it quits yet so I am heading back next week for another US.  Dr Chang said “I’m sorry it just doesn’t look good we should be seeing cardiac activity by now. This usually means there is a chromosomal defect.”

By the grace of god I am remaining calm for the final call. I had many melt downs last week and felt the sting of loss.  Sunday after spending a lot of time in prayer I started to feel my peace settle in. Now if I do miscarry I am sure the sadness will come back and bitch slap me in the face.  But this time I will be prepared.

 Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. This community is amazing and I am so blessed to have found this group.


12 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Heather said,

    Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. 2

    jill said,

    Ugh – you need some good news at that next appt. Hoping like crazy for you!

  3. 3

    Wendy said,

    I’m so sorry — I hope you get some really good news at your next appointment. Thinking of you…

  4. 4

    Holly said,

    Hoping and praying! I’m sorry you have to walk this kind of a rope!

  5. 5

    a said,

    Oh, geez – baby, please let your mama off the tightrope – one way or another, the suspense is killing her. Obviously, we’d prefer that your mama gets off the tightrope on the side of “Healthy baby,” so let’s work for that.

    Much luck – saying some prayers for you.

  6. 6

    Funsize said,

    This sounds just like my last MC- at my 7th week ultrasound, my OB told me he couldn’t find a heartbeat, and that it “didn’t look right”- it didn’t look structurally right and the embryo was going to collapse on itself soon. It was devastating news, and it didn’t really sink in until I started bleeding. I don’t want this to happen to you. I’m holding out SO much hope for you.

  7. 7

    Cindyhoo2 said,

    Hello, I just found you through your comment to Lucky Little 13 and I wanted to pop over as another infertility vet living near Nashville.

    I am so sorry to hear what you are facing right now. That uncertainty is awful especially when you fear it will end in heartbreak. Anyway, I am sending you and your DH love and light and strength in some very fervent prayers!

  8. 8

    Jenn said,

    Just wanted to say how sorry I am that this has happened to you. I hope you are able to keep yourself at peace. I can only imagine how hard the waiting is. My thoughts are with you.

  9. 9

    Bailey said,

    What a roller coaster. Keeping you and your babe in my prayers.

  10. 10

    Becky said,

    My heart and stomach are in knots for you. Sending prayers for peace heavenward.


  11. 11

    Katie said,

    Ugh, there is nothing worse in our whole infertile world than waiting but this waiting you have?! The worst I can imagine. 😦 Hoping for good news for you.

  12. 12

    Adele said,

    It is a tightrope. A terrible one, and it seems to cross right between hope and despair. The waiting is horrible and I am so sorry that you are having to endure it. I know the internet is alive with stories of things being okay in the end, and while I know that these are exceptions (and awfully misleading, as such) I am still hoping for you. And appreciate the fact that you reached out to me, also in a horrible, waiting moment. Your second scan must be coming up and I am thinking good, positive thoughts for you.

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