As I was walking back from the gym today (I gained 7 pounds since mid April) I started thinking would 1 child be enough for me. Lately stories have been popping up about people struggling to have their 2nd or 3rd child. My thought is well I would be happy with just 1. I would give my right arm to have 1 child. So when that day comes will 1 be enough for me. I know our plan is to have at least 2 but so far that plan isn’t working out so great. When we started this assisted reproductive process over a year ago. I thought I want one at a time. Twins scared me. But know I think I will take twins or triplets if that’s what god blesses me with. I don’t know if I have the will power to fight for a 2nd pregnancy with the same spirit. Right now my spirit is fighting mad to be a mom. I want to succeed at this so bad I can taste it. It’s like being a vampire (I’m a Twilight fan) and getting the taste of blood. Now that I’ve been pregnant and know I almost got to the other side. I’m hungrier, hungry to fulfill my dream of being a mom.
However, when I do get to the other side will 1 child be enough? Will I thank god for my gift and except his grace of 1 child should that be my fate? Sitting here right now I would say yes I will be forever grateful for 1 child. I will cherish them for the rest of my life. I will thank god everyday for answering my cries. I just pray that if my 1 child is my only gift, that I except gods gift with gratitude and peace.
Our wedding song is “On My Wedding Day” by Don Henley. In the song it says “To want what I have and take what I’m given with grace.” It’s funny how I am making up rules to this notion. I won’t accept being childless I’m even willing to walk away from my marriage if it came down to DH or motherhood without DH. So would I really accept 1 child when it came down to it? I’m not sure I guess I have more soul searching to do on the idea of living childless.