Is one enough?

As I was walking back from the gym today (I gained 7 pounds since mid April) I started thinking would 1 child be enough for me. Lately stories have been popping up about people struggling to have their 2nd or 3rd child. My thought is well I would be happy with just 1.  I would give my right arm to have 1 child.  So when that day comes will 1 be enough for me.  I know our plan is to have at least 2 but so far that plan isn’t working out so great.  When we started this assisted reproductive process over a year ago. I thought I want one at a time.  Twins scared me.  But know I think I will take twins or triplets if that’s what god blesses me with.  I don’t know if I have the will power to fight for a 2nd pregnancy with the same spirit.  Right now my spirit is fighting mad to be a mom.  I want to succeed at this so bad I can taste it. It’s like being a vampire (I’m a Twilight fan) and getting the taste of blood.  Now that I’ve been pregnant and know I almost got to the other side. I’m hungrier, hungry to fulfill my dream of being a mom.  

However, when I do get to the other side will 1 child be enough?  Will I thank god for my gift and except his grace of 1 child should that be my fate?  Sitting here right now I would say yes I will be forever grateful for 1 child.  I will cherish them for the rest of my life.  I will thank god everyday for answering my cries.  I just pray that if my 1 child is my only gift, that I except gods gift with gratitude and peace. 

Our wedding song is “On My Wedding Day” by Don Henley.  In the song it says “To want what I have and take what I’m given with grace.” It’s funny how I am making up rules to this notion.  I won’t accept being childless I’m even willing to walk away from my marriage if it came down to DH or motherhood without DH.  So would I really accept 1 child when it came down to it? I’m not sure I guess I have more soul searching to do on the idea of living childless.

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18 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Heather said,

    I remember asking myself similar questions.

    This side of the fence is very different yet so much the same. Maybe I’m not on a different side of the fence – maybe just new glasses.

  2. 2

    a said,

    I wish I had something useful to say…

  3. 3

    April said,

    I had to do infertility treatments to have my first son. While doing it…I would say the same thing..”I just want one!” I would tell God…I just want one and thats all. NOw, three years later…my heart aches for another. My heart wants a sibling for C. It doesnt matter how many you already have. To want something so bad and cant have it….its the same feeling I had with the first child if not worse.
    Right now, I am pondering the thought of C being an only child. Would he be ok with it down the road? Would I be ok with it? No matter how many children you already have, to want another and cant have it…hurts just as bad.
    Hang in there and Hugs

  4. 4

    Shannon said,

    I’m so sorry for your loss (saw your post at the Stirrup Queens Bar). Comparing wanting a baby more after being pregnant, if only for a short time, to a vampire smelling blood is an excellent analogy. Especially if it’s Edward smelling Bella. 🙂 I want to feel the sore boobs, fatigue and nausea again so badly it hurts.

    I hope that next time is the time it works and all goes well – maybe then you’ll have an answer to your question about 1 being enough. The good news is that you really don’t have to decide today (or even this year)!

  5. 5

    PFM said,

    This is what I am struggling with. We have our son who is 3. He is the light of my life. But I would really like another baby and to give him a sibling. We’re not sure if we will pursue pregnancy or adoption but I am pretty sure we will have another child.

  6. 6

    I, too, grappled with the childnessness prospect. There was a lot of soul searching.

    I wish you well in the search. May you find all you seek.

    ICLW

  7. 7

    Here from ICLW. So sorry about your loss. i truly hope your next IVF brings you sticky beans! I’m currently pregnant with our first after Clomid and I just don’t think I’ll be happy with just one. I could go for a houseful but whatever God deems is the right number is what it will be!

  8. 8

    babybaker said,

    omg, i think about this ALL THE TIME. even after all we’ve been through, i still have it my head that we’re having three. can you believe that? i can’t even (barely) get pregnant, let alone go on hoping for a big family. however, i will overjoyed and totally eternally happy if i am blessed with just one child. i may go on trying for more, but i will be blessed and i’ll never forget it. now let’s go get pregnant! (if it were only that easy, huh?)

    p.s. good luck with the gym visits!

  9. 9

    Catrisha T said,

    Speaking from TTC#2 side of things. No. I said one would be enough, we would stop. Then I missed my pregnant belly. I missed feeling my baby growing and moving inside me. And as my son got older (just turned 3) I miss the baby clothes, the sweet baby smells, even the sleepless nights. It’s hard to only have one and then when you see your only one play with other kids close to their age, and then they get old enough to ask questions about siblings… you realize that you still have a gaping hole in your heart that longs for #2. I hope that you’re able to feed that hunger sooner than later, and you get all your hearts desires.

    ICLW #16

  10. 10

    Jenn said,

    Here from ICLW! I keep thinking the same thing over and over again. I know I want more than one, but I wonder if I will have the strength to go through all of this again. I am hoping for twins 😉 Good Luck on your journey!

  11. 11

    Kelly said,

    I admire you. Given your loss and the grief and exasperation that comes with TTC, you still speak in such hopeful terms. Your post is filled with “whens” and not “ifs”.

    ICLW

  12. 12

    Justine said,

    I think that the fact that you’re grateful for one doesn’t mean that you won’t want another. You can feel blessed (as I do every day–my son is my most precious gift) and still feel like you’d like to try to have something more. But it’s hard to say until you have one, and adjust to life with that one. Having a second also scares me a little, because it will mean another adjustment. But I think it’s one that is right for our family. Let’s just hope that this one sticks. I’m sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage … though there are many of us here who have gone through it and would offer support, I’d be happy to listen if you ever need an ear.

    Thanks for visiting, and hope that you enjoy the zuccanoes! 🙂

  13. 13

    jill said,

    I think about that too. I don’t want to have only one child but I think I could much more easily accept that over never being a mom at all.

  14. 14

    Krissi said,

    So sorry about your miscarraige! It’s ironic that I am writing about this very topic in my memoir…the idea of one not being enough for me. When I tried for my 2nd, I think I wanted it even more because I know exactly what being a mother is all about & I wanted my daughter to experience what I did with my sister. I wouldn’t even tackle this question now. When you have your first…you’ll know. Good luck!! I just added your link! Happy ICLW! (#45 & 46)

  15. 15

    Bethanie said,

    I’ve asked myself that too. But, I just don’t think we could adopt a second time.
    Bethanie ICLW#166

  16. 16

    Me said,

    Wow big call to say that if you can’t have children you’d walk away from your DH. Guvnor is one of the major reasons why we can’t achieve a viable pregnancy and I DESPERATELY want a baby but there is NO way I’d leave him.

    I love him, he comes first. A child would be the icing on the cake, if we can’t have one at least I have a man who loves me unconditionally. Say you did leave your DH if it came down to it, who’s to say you’d get pregnant alone or with someone else? Then what if you didn’t, then you’d have no child and no DH.

    11 years ttc n 8 miscarriages, I wanted several children, now I’d be happy with just one!

    ICLW
    #41
    http://www.themissruby.blogspot.com/
    ~ttc for 11 years
    ~8 miscarriages
    ~still chasing that elusive viable bubba

    • 17

      cowgirltn said,

      Thank you for the comment and honest opinion.

      It is a big call to say I would walk away from DH if we didn’t have a family. Now I will be honest. I didn’t get married because I wanted a husband. I got married because I wanted a family. I know there are families of 2 and if they are happy with that, awesome. Being a family to me is more then that. It’s a home, marriage, bills, joy, sadness, and a biggy is children. I have wanted to be a mom since I was in my teens. Knowing how much I loved children and couldn’t wait to be a mom. So by the grace of god I met someone that I enjoyed spending time with, loved, was attracted to and would be a wonderful dad. I was very attracted to seeing him with children. He’s great with them. But…I am willing to become a parent no matter how that happens, foster, adopt, biologically. DH is not his only path to parenthood at this time is biologically and so far that road hasn’t worked out for us. It might not ever work out for us. So if DH continues to tell me no on adoption/foster then he is denying me my dream of being a mom. So does he love me that deeply that he would sacrifice whatever he had to, to be with me? Perhaps we aren’t as committed to our marriage as you and your DH. The great thing is this is my life and yours is yours. Good luck on your journey.

  17. 18

    Waiting Lisa said,

    I wonder that too. I don’t know if we will ever have the money for child number 2. I hate that it comes down to money.

    Lately I have been thinking a lot about doing foster care down the line.


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