Other Crosses to Bear

By leaning on my faith and my relationship with god I know infertility is my cross to bear.  It’s the weight that keeps my spirit just below joy. It’s the slivers of wood that dig into my skin reminding me of the needles, blood tests, and ultrasounds.  It’s my angry moments with god for asking me to forgo motherhood for now. It’s the humiliation of people wondering when is she going to have children.  But just as Christ was freed from his cross and rose to higher place. I too will rise to a higher place and the glory of motherhood will shine bright.

 Throughout my struggles I am constantly reminded of others struggling with their own cross. My mother fought breast cancer 2 years ago; my brother has been financially struggling for a few years now, my dad struggles with diabetes and heart issues. Just yesterday we found out my 2 year old nephew was diagnosed with autism.  It’s these reminders that keep me in check that I am not the only one with a cross to bear.  Though I don’t wish hardship on anyone I need these reminders. They prevent me from wading in my own self pity and despair.  Knowing I am not the only one with a cross to bear lifts some weight off my cross.

 Since the miscarriage I’ve realized this struggle is making me a stronger woman, wife, and future mother. I am preparing to love my child with every ounce of fight it took to get them here.   These stones god has lain before me are there to strengthen me and I believe my reward will be a blessing beyond my imagination.

 If you’re reading this post and your not a believer or you don’t have a relationship with god that’s ok. I respect each person’s choice to believe, believe in something else (Hindu, Buddhist, and Muslim) and not believe.  But wherever you stand you are not alone. There are others that know exactly how you feel and care about you.


8 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    La Loca said,

    I completely agree with you. When I went through my miscarriage, I felt like I couldn´t make it..like I couldn´t breathe, like I couldn´t be the normal again. After a few months ( and a great vacation to Mexico) I started to realize that I was stronger than ever..stronger than I knew I coud be. It also helped me love my daughter even more (if that´s possible) and be a more caring person. You will be a better mother, a better person and you´ll appretiate every second you get to spend with your family. You are so strong and a great example. Thanks!!

  2. 2

    Lynn said,

    I can relate very closely to your post. I often have to stop and remind myself that I am not the only one who is going through a struggle. I am not the only one who doesn’t understand why I’m being asked to bear my own cross. I think it’s important we do understand that each individual has their own worries, their own struggles and their own joys. Very good post!


  3. 3

    sara said,

    I was so moved by your post! I actually brought a tear to my eye – it was so beautifully written. I am so sorry about your recent miscarriage. We recently lost twins back in June. I often spent time saying – why would God do this after it is so hard for us to conceive? I do know now that it has made me stronger and changed the way I will view our next child if and when we are blessed enough to have him or her. I know all people love their children,but it does make you know you will appreciate yours to the ends of the earth since it was so hard to get them here. Great post…I can’t wait to read along!


  4. 4

    christine said,

    What a thought provoking post! I agree, most people have a cross to bear and hardships of their own. Thanks for the reminder!

    ICLW #27

  5. 5

    Genevieve said,

    Happy ICLW. I want to thank you for pointing out that no matter our beliefs we are NOT alone. We just have to know where to look….Good luck with everything.


  6. 6

    theworms said,

    Great post.

    I’m sorry for your loss and GL moving forward.


  7. 7

    MAK-now said,

    “I believe my reward will be a blessing beyond my imagination.” Truer words have never been spoken. My heart & soul is inextricably tied up, wound around and lost in my beautiful baby boy. But there was a time when I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to have him. God truly works wonders and never gives us anything we can’t handle. Though we can’t alwasy understand, sometimes it’s like he’s testing us to make sure we truly appreciate the blessing that’s coming our way. Be patient. God has something beautiful planned for you!!

    ~ MAK
    p.s. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m not sure what show baby boy was watching because I couldn’t beleive he was watching!! I will tell you though that I thought he was asleep this past Saturday. He was on the sofa with me & hadn’t moved for 45 minutes or so. I checked to see if I should put him to bed and he was completely immersed in Terminator 3! LOL!!

    p.p.s Please check out some of the posts on my old blog – Ova-Ez. I think you may find proof of God’s blessings there.

    Good luck!

  8. 8

    I get so caught up in life being fair, and it was a huge revelation to me that not everyone gets to have every blessing, even the ones that most people take for granted. Thank you for reminding me that we all are fighting a hard battle.

    happy ICLW

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