Can you believe she listened?

I blogged yesterday about AF coming out to play, well she came to visit today. I’ve placed the call to the Grove to get my instructions.  I know I have to get a blood test done and schedule the ever loving HSG.  Really do I need more random people poking around in my ya ya?

Something interesting happened emotionally today, ok maybe only interesting to me.  When AF started I cried. I cried not because I was happy to see her but out of fear.  I just don’t want to fail again. I am so tired of failing.  When I was pregnant I would fantasize about running down the hall at the hospital after delivery screaming “I made it, I did it, and I succeeded at becoming a mom.” There is a good chance I would actually do it. 

So I took a moment in the bathroom to wipe the tears and remind myself there’s just as much chance I will get a BFP as a BFN.  During the last 6 weeks I haven’t stressed or thought too much about our journey I’ve had a lot of fun doing things I love. My goal this cycle is to give it up to god even more then I have.  He’s proven I can get pregnant with poor quality embryos so who’s to say he won’t make it happen again.  I’m also excited to see if my daily regime of Royal Jelly, Cq10, wheatgrass and acupuncture will make a difference in the embryo quality. Mark is suppose to be taking Ferti.laid for men but I don’t think he’s been doing it.


2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    babybaker said,

    i can’t wait to hear your birth story and your recap the reactions of those around you as you run down the hall yelling! great mental image! 🙂

    i know how much it sucks to be afraid of it not working, but have hope that this next time will be THE ONE. i’m so glad AF has arrived so you can get started on your next cycle right away. hugs!

  2. 2

    Haidee said,

    Thank you for visiting my blog! Yes, it does look like we will be cycling quite close together and I wanted to wish you luck! It can be so scary and to be honest I have been a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to wanting AF to arrive because like you said, it’s scary to contemplate failure but I am learning to be more positive and I hope you get your much longed for sticky BFP! I will be following your cycle and relating I’m sure! xox


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