Cha Cha Changes

I have been thinking how different I feel this cycle from cycle 1 October 2009. Back then it was a whole bunch of unknowns. How do I do the meds? Will the needles hurt? How many will get to blast (haha blast that’s funny)? What day do I test on? Blah Blah Blah.

Now I am a pro. I haven’t given much thought or worry to what’s going to happen. My body has proven it’s not good at producing quality eggs so it will be a 3 day transfer. I will have a couple average embryos transferred. I started taking the Royal Jelly, Cq10, and Wheatgrass for the hell of it. Why not it might help or it might not. I’m not hyped about my multiple dates with Mr Wand. I’m not stressed about the multiple injections into my body. I’m not even excited about monitoring. I tried to get the monitoring pushed back a day so I could go to my beloved Titans home opener, denied.

I ordered my meds today and instead of ordering everything on my list(IVF #1). I tried 3 different pharmacies to get the best price. I pushed my clinic to donate meds to me. I told the pharmacy I don’t need needles, syringes, sharps container. Why? Because I have loads of them leftover. I also know if I don’t take my meds (minus the trigger) at the exact right time I will be ok.

I realize there is nothing more I can do to get pregnant. If I am meant to get pregnant I will. I can’t pray for a child anymore then I do. The creation of our child is in god’s hands with some help from very skilled medical professionals. I just want to get it over with. I just want to get to the testing date so I can either be sad for a few days or VERY hopeful for 9 months.

For those reading this that are about to go through IVF #1 I pray your 1 and done. But if not I will be here to listen as you work through the disappointment and perhaps offer any wisdom.


15 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Lynda little said,

    I say calling Alexander’s twin pharmacy out of trenton nj. If you want their number let me know so far I found them to be the cheapest in Ivf meds. Just let me know and when u call them ask for Neal n tell them lynda little sent you. I’m praying Ivf #3 works for me next month.

  2. 3

    Amber said,

    I totally understand! The excitement wears off…yeah yeah yeah, I shove the needles and wands in…we know the drill. I was even forgetting to take meds, where the first time I was watching the clock and counting down. I don’t think this is a bad thing though…we hold on to it less and just leave it in God’s hands, whatever happens. Praying for you, and praying God blows your socks off this cycle!

  3. 4

    Mrs. Gamgee said,

    It’s hard to think back to those moments when I was so naive to think that it would happen quick and easy. I wish I could go back to that time, but then I think about what I’ve gained over the past two and a half years. Our struggles and losses brought my Beloved and I closer than I thought possible, and I wouldn’t know how much strength I truly have. While the ‘bloom is off the rose’ as it were, I think that there are lessons of the IF road that are important and make this road almost worth it. Almost.

    I hope that this cycle is the one for you!


  4. 5

    Braving IVF said,

    Right there with you.

    The familiarity does make it easier to get through. Injections are just something you do twice a day, and you’re better at figuring out what the doc is seeing on the ultrasound.

    Last cycle I even screwed up my Menopur twice, forgetting to mix the saline into the medication before injecting it. Doh!

    Fingers crossed for your #3 — mine will be late October!

  5. 6

    Browniris said,

    Good luck this cycle…I hope that the third time is the charm!

    P.S. I LOVE Nashville…I am always joking with my DH that we should move there. 🙂

  6. 7

    babybaker said,

    i hate the “old pro” feeling! honestly, it’s getting so bad that i’m forgetting stuff! gah!

    yay for shopping around (something you can be in control of!) and getting your meds ordered. i really hope this is it for you!

    and you’re right. you’re doing everything you can to get pregnant. the hardest part is waiting. but i know your baby is coming soon! hugs!

  7. 8

    Haidee said,

    Oh yeah! Going into this third cycle I feel a bit like a pro too! It sucks! I’m not looking forward to the injections again but not dreading them or scared of them like I was the first time, although I am still dreading the egg collection! Good luck with your cycle!


  8. 9

    Whitney said,

    I hope this is your last go-round, and you get to be that very hopeful lady for nine months!!

  9. 10

    tina said,

    I’m so sorry about your baby girl. Praying that third time’s the charm.

    ICLW, #171

  10. 11

    Banksybaby said,

    I second Alexander’s Twin. We use ’em for everything. Isn’t it odd when you feel like an IVF vet? Wishing you the best of luck with your cycle! I also wanted to mention that your words of support after our m/c meant the world to me. Thank you so much for that. 🙂

  11. 12

    theworms said,

    It’s so hard to be excited after mutliple attempts, especially after a loss.

    I hope you have something to celebrate very soon.


  12. 13

    I saw that you commented on my page and I looked yours up. Reading what you have been through broke my heart. We did IUI 8 times and had one BFP only to lose the baby. We haven’t tried IVF, but I don’t think we will after reading what you and many other people have been through and the low success rate it seems. I am adding you to my prayer list. I agree that God is the one that makes this happen for us and there isn’t any more than we can do. We can change our lifestyle, diet, vitamins, and think positive, only to have a BFN. Hang in there…I hope that this works. Relax and do something for you!

  13. 14

    MAK-now said,

    I know how difficult all this is – you end up going through the motions and just feeling numb. I hope this time works out for you!!

    ICLW #82

  14. 15

    Saartjie said,

    Hi, not sure if you tested already. Just want to say good luck!

    I am waiting for a follow up with my FS on the 16th of September after my laparoscopy. The waiting is driving me up the wall. For me, the waiting is worse than the meds!!!

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