Do you have a natural pregnancy or did you go through IVF?

I am standing in the lobby of our company waiting for some guests to arrive.  A co-worker comes up and asks “Did you get pregnant naturally or through invitro?”  

I paused for a second or 2 to process my shock of such a bold question.  I don’t talk to this person often mostly a quick hello, how are you.  There were other co-workers in the lobby including a receptionist.  Our company has 150+ employees at my location.  So there I stood telling her my story as she asked questions.  It was an out of body experience but one that reminded me of the struggles I’ve been through.  She will have to go through IVF due to an elective tubal ligation she had in early 20’s.  She was sure she was going to adopt until she met her husband who doesn’t want to adopt. So if she wants children she has to go through IVF.  

A couple hours have passed and I am still in shock. Why would she suggest I went through IVF, unless people talk?  Now I haven’t hidden my struggles but I have been very select in who I tell at work.  Now I am flattered that I could answer her questions about IVF, clinics, cost, etc. But on the other hand I am irritated that I was asked “Is your pregnancy natural?”  My desire to have this child is 100% natural; my love for this child is 100% natural, there is nothing unnatural about this pregnancy.  How I got there wasn’t natural. The question just hurt a little. Maybe because it reminded me that, I didn’t get to make love to my husband and create this child. Maybe it reminded me that my body failed at getting pregnant for a long time.

So the answer is “No I went through IVF 3 times, lost a pregnancy and almost broke my spirit and my marriage along the way.”

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4 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    sienna said,

    that is one BOLD question to ask, never mind in front of other coworkers. i have to think this chic is socially retarded??? bc if she had any social etiquette, she really wouldn’t have asked you this, or if she did, would’ve done so in private. not sure how i would’ve responded.

  2. 2

    babybaker said,

    omg, i am fired up. first of all, your baby and pregnancy are natural. you can’t have an unnatural pregnancy or an unnatural baby. WTF? sure the path to get there wasn’t how god intended, but science exists so why not use it? man, i’m fired up. i mean, i’m glad you were able to offer some insight and advice, but what a rude way to approach the topic.

    i better be prepared because once people start realizing i’m having 2, there are going to be all kinds of stupid questions, i’m sure.

  3. 3

    Maura said,

    First I wanted to thank you for the comment on my blog the other day. I also want to know say contests on your pregnancy. It sounds like your road to this miracle was long and hard-I can relate to that part. Your last line-so true.
    People can be bold and thoughtless and more about IF than anything I have noticed these days. Congrats and thanks again…

  4. 4

    A second thank you for commenting on my blog the other day.

    The conceiving naturally line is the one that I think is going to upset me the most once we finally get pregnant. How is going through the heartache of multiple treatments, financial stress, and chronic grief to finally have a baby any less worthy than getting drunk one night and having an “oops!” baby just because you happened to be blessed with fertility? In fact, I think going through IF treatments proves how much someone wants to become a parent and it certainly gives us a lot of time to make sure that that is what we really want. I’m irritated for you! Also, I’ve told a couple people at work and now I’m wondering how many other people know now…ugh.


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