What a Difference a Year Makes

This time last year I was:

Preparing for my 3 day transfer (again)

I was holding out hope that 1 of the 2 embryos that made it would be our forever baby

I had given up my journey to motherhood to god

I was hanging out with the in-laws completing my 3rd round of IVF

I had finished injecting powerful drugs into my body

I turned to bee pollen, CQ10, Wheatgrass and acupuncture to help grow healthier eggs

Here is the link to my post from September 20, 2010

This year I am:

A MOM!!!!!!!

I kiss little toes and fingers

I breastfeed a beautiful little girl

I read story books and say bedtime prayers

I say “I Love You” many many times a day

I praise god nightly for his masterpiece

I haven’t taken much time to look back on the painful years before Rachel. I am living in the moment of being her mom. I am enjoying every second of it. I don’t mind the sleepless nights, I cherish every breath. She is my perfect lamb and I will never forget what it took to get her here.  But the painful times are still there.  Mark has mentioned a couple times “Maybe we should try for another.”  For me I can’t even go there, I don’t want to walk down that difficult road again, not now anyway.  The joy and love I feel shouldn’t be taken away by the fear of miscarriages, drug induced mood swings, embarrassing surgeries, needles and more needles.  Rachel has earned the right to have a happy and hopeful mom. 

If you are still on that difficult road please read my story as inspiration.  I know it can be hard to believe that your dream will come true but it can.  When I realized that my path to motherhood could come in many different forms, adoption, fostering, etc that’s when peace took over my journey.

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