On Thursday June 9th we found out from a quick ultrasound that you were breech. We had been told for 3 weeks prior that you were head down. The only way to get you out safely was to have a scheduled c-section. So we scheduled it for Tuesday June 14th because we had a very sick dog to take care of. Sadly on Saturday June 11th we let Gordy go. He was dying from cancer and had internal bleeding.
On Tuesday June 14th Mark, Grandma Pat and I checked into Williamson Medical Center at 9 am By 12pm the staff had me prepped and ready. Dr. Ellington started the incision and I said “it smells like coffee.” Mark said “No you like tea more.” What I though was coffee was my skin, eek! Rachel came out at 12:33pm, they held her over the curtain and I said “Look at her ears,” the doctors laughed. Then Rachel pooped and peed on me. I guess she had to go. Turns out the cord was wrapped around her leg and up over her shoulder keeping her in place.
We were back in the room shortly after, then the love fest began. We all took turns loving on you and shedding tears of joy for this AMAZING miracle.
Everyone says it “You will never know that kind of love till you have a child.” Man do I understand now. Mark and I are o in love with Rachel it’s overwhelming.
I will have a better picture in the future.
Well here is one of hopefully very few pity posts.
1st – My sweet dog of almost 15 years is in the hospital. Tuesday night he had gone to the barn with me. He did his usual thing of sniffing, eating and hunting all things tasty. Tuesday night he had an accident in the house, then another and another. Wednesday morning I put him in the yard while I cleaned up the mess. I come back outside a few minutes later and he’s yelping in the backyard unable to move his hind end. I run back inside to get my purse and come back out to find him laying down on the other side of the yard. I pick him up and carry him to the vet. He has been there for 36 hours with hind leg paralysis. They are pumping him with IV fluids and trying out steroids, muscle relaxers, etc. I am heading back in the morning to check on him again. If he’s not better soon I will have to make the heart wrenching decision to put him to sleep. Now I haven’t posted much about him because well I knew if I did it would probably be a farewell post and I just couldn’t stomach it. But trust me when I say I love this dog, he has been my best friend, companion and baby for almost 15 years. He has seen and done everything with me. I wish he could live forever but I know that’s not possible. I just would love to get a few more weeks with him.
2nd – We met with my normal OB today for our weekly check up. My normal OB has been out due to a hysterectomy the past month. So I have been seeing the other OB’s in the practice and all 3 for the last 3 weeks have been saying pumpkin was head down. Well my normal OB took a little longer look see today and said “I’m not sure that’s a head.” So out came the US machine and sure enough her butt is down and her head it up by my ribs. Awesome!
3rd – There is little to no chance she is going to turn for me to have a vaginal delivery so we are scheduled for a c-section on Tuesday June 14th. Now the surgery doesn’t scare so much but the recovery does. I don’t love the idea of being cut open and spending several weeks recouping. But I don’t have much choice and I want pumpkin her safely.
So as you can see I haven’t had the best couple of days. But I do see gods grace and mercy all over this week. The grace that pumpkin hasn’t arrived when I am trying to fight for my sick puppy. The mercy that I have a scheduled c-section now which gives me more time to deal with said sick puppy and prepare for a c-section.
So if you’re a christian and can pray for me I would appreciate it. I need the peace and strength to do whats best for my dog. If I have to say good-bye I pray for gods warmth to surround me so I can be the mother pumpkin needs. If there is a miracle out there that my puppy can get stronger quickly so I can have a few more weeks with him I would appreciate it. The joy in knowing my little miracle will be here in 5 days.
We had our 38 week appointment today and we are inching closer to pumpkins arrival. I actually lost 2 pounds, not sure how that happened but it did. I was concerned that she had stopped growing but the doc said nope she is bigger then last week. So I guess she is just using my excess fat which is fine with me that’s less to lose when she gets here. I haven’t had much appetite there’s not a lot of space to put food. I eat because I have to but I am sneaking in a shake everyday to give her some fat.
I am 1.5 centimeters dilated and 70% effaced, I have also lost my mucus plug so now we just wait for the contracts to starts. Her head is farther down to so hopefully that means I can do a vaginal delivery. But for those that have crossed over you know things can change on a dime.
I am not fearing labor but I am getting more anxious about my life changes. I guess it’s up to me how much I give up. Lunches with friends, riding, getting out of the house. Knowing myself I will be out and about soon. I am not one to sit inside and watch tv. When the doctor gives me the thumbs up pumpkin and I will be going places.
Marks co-workers are finally throwing a baby shower on June 7th, yes that’s 5 days before her due date but better late than never I guess. It’s very nice of them it just would be have been nice if it had been a month ago.
So maybe by next weeks update I will have baby pictures to share and a birth story.
Here it is my week 33 update.
I had a good appointment today with pumpkin measuring 22 on the fundal height scale. I have gained 17 pounds so I am up to 142. Yep I started out at 125 after 3 IVF’s and a miscarriage. My goal is still 25 pound weight gain so we shall see. Her heart sounded perfect and her head is down. Doc says it should stay down from now on. Pumpkin is developing a pattern of activity in the afternoons and evenings. Then rests from say 11pm to mid afternoon. Wouldn’t that be nice if she slept through the night within weeks of her arrival.
Don’t read if you hate TMI. Bad news…I have a hem.roid, yuck. It’s not hurting or bothering me it’s just gross and I want it to go away. Well according to Doc it will never go away. Once that vein pops out it’s out for good. Now it can shrink but will never completely go away. Man I joked with one of my BFF’s a couple years ago that I would hate getting them. Well jokes on me but I will take it for a healthy pumpkin.
I also made an unscheduled stop at a daycare near our house this morning. I’ve been told it’s best to just stop in so you can see the facility in all it’s glory. This center is supposed to be the best in our county and has a great reputation. It’s also expensive at $275 a week for infants. I did like the facility though and the babies seemed healthy and happy. They have a care giver for every 2 babies. You don’t have to sign a contract in case you want to pull the child out. They do require you to give them 2 weeks notice if your leaving. That will be perfect if I decide to be a SAHM right after my leave is up.
We have our 1st birthing class this weekend. So it should be a great learning experience.
So after my boss and I decided part-time wouldn’t work it was going to be SAHM time the anxiety kicked in. Will I really want to be home 100% of the time? Will I miss my job, making my own money, etc? The reality of it is I don’t know, I can’t answer that right now. I think I’m going to want to stay home but I don’t know I will. I can’t make that decision until she gets here and I live that life for a couple of months.
So…I quickly told my boss this morning as he was rushing out the door. He supports whatever I want to do he just doesn’t want me ping-ponging with my decision. HR thinks it’s a good idea to take the maternity leave to figure things out and I can always quit the day I come back. So they pulled my job posting and are hiring a temp to cover me for at least a couple of months. Right now I am at peace with this knowing I have time to make a decision. I get to collect my pay for a few more weeks, etc. Mark has been supportive of whatever I decide to do but agrees it’s wise to take the maternity leave.
Now I have to decide on infant care when I come back. Do I put her in a daycare or hire a nanny for a couple of weeks? Who knows….
Well it’s the final countdown to my last days as a working woman. My boss and I sat down in January and we discussed my future plans. I said “My 1st option is to come back part-time but if that won’t work I am going to be a SAHM.” He spent the last 3 months thinking about it and talking with the other team members. They decided as much as they love me and don’t want to lose me they need someone full-time. I understand and appreciate the thought he put into it.
It’s going to be so weird not working for the 1st time in my adult life. I worked all through college and since graduating in 1998. I have been with this company for 7 years and they have been so GOOD to me. I could never thank them enough for supporting me and believing in me for almost 7 years. I cried during our talk today because I know how bitter-sweet this is. Shoot I wouldn’t be pregnant had they not given me the time to do IVF at the far away clinic.
I am so blessed to have a husband that can offer me the chance to care for our little girl full-time. I know there are many woman who would love to be in my shoes.
The independent woman in me is scared. Scared that I won’t like being with a child all day, every day. Scared Mark and I will have issues with money. Scared that I will depend on Mark for all my financial needs and get controlled for it. My mom was a SAHM and fought constantly with my dad over how much she spent, where she spent it, etc. They ended up divorced in part because of money.
When the time is right I will head back to work and perhaps back to the same company. Who knows I might be back in a few months because I just can’t do the SAHM thing. I guess I just have to take a deep breath and trust that being a full-time mom will be way more rewarding than any career.
Earlier today I was reading through the list on Lost and Found Connections Abound. I check this list every time Mel updates it. I enjoy reading the BFP posts, arrivals, celebrations, and know my spirit needs to pray, mourn; grieve for those that don’t have such positive news. It felt so good to have that support while going through my IVF’s and miscarriage. It’s also a weekly reminder to thank god for every kick, punch, roll, etc. I am thankful for hearing her heartbeat with my Doppler. (Yes I still check on her)
I am honored and humbled at the gift god has bestowed upon me. I thank him every day for keeping her safe and growing. I thank him for the movement and even the back pain. My back hurts everyday but I don’t want to complain or discredit why I have back pain. I read these stories of loss whether it’s early, mid term or still birth and they all break my heart. I wish I could take away their pain and loss. I don’t have the power to do that but I can be grateful everyday for my pumpkin.
If you’re reading this and you have lost a pumpkin, I am so sorry. I pray your dreams come true someday soon.
To my pumpkin I will continue to thank god for you. I won’t ever take your life and how amazing it is for granted. You were chosen to be my daughter and I am so blessed. I will spend my life caring for and loving you.