Archive for IVF #3

What a Difference a Year Makes

This time last year I was:

Preparing for my 3 day transfer (again)

I was holding out hope that 1 of the 2 embryos that made it would be our forever baby

I had given up my journey to motherhood to god

I was hanging out with the in-laws completing my 3rd round of IVF

I had finished injecting powerful drugs into my body

I turned to bee pollen, CQ10, Wheatgrass and acupuncture to help grow healthier eggs

Here is the link to my post from September 20, 2010

This year I am:

A MOM!!!!!!!

I kiss little toes and fingers

I breastfeed a beautiful little girl

I read story books and say bedtime prayers

I say “I Love You” many many times a day

I praise god nightly for his masterpiece

I haven’t taken much time to look back on the painful years before Rachel. I am living in the moment of being her mom. I am enjoying every second of it. I don’t mind the sleepless nights, I cherish every breath. She is my perfect lamb and I will never forget what it took to get her here.  But the painful times are still there.  Mark has mentioned a couple times “Maybe we should try for another.”  For me I can’t even go there, I don’t want to walk down that difficult road again, not now anyway.  The joy and love I feel shouldn’t be taken away by the fear of miscarriages, drug induced mood swings, embarrassing surgeries, needles and more needles.  Rachel has earned the right to have a happy and hopeful mom. 

If you are still on that difficult road please read my story as inspiration.  I know it can be hard to believe that your dream will come true but it can.  When I realized that my path to motherhood could come in many different forms, adoption, fostering, etc that’s when peace took over my journey.

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How IVF prepared me for labor

Last night I was watching an episode of One Born ***** Minute.  I have been watching this to help prepare me for the birth of my pumpkin.  After seeing 5 episodes of this I have come to realize I more prepared for labor thanks to IVF.  Why?  Because of the comments I have heard from woman in labor.

I hate needles they scare me.  Umm not me I injected my self with needles multiple times a day not to mention the IV’s, or blood draws.

I can’t have a c-section I’ve never being put under its dangerous.  Yes c-sections scare me but not because of going under but because of recovery.  Plus you’re not going under your being numbed from the chest down.  I’ve been sent to la la land at least 3 times now it’s quite peaceful.

These contractions hurt so bad, I’ve never had menstrual cramps this hurts really bad.  Girl what if you had endometriosis.  Those cramps suck you feel like your going to die at any moment.  I’ve been doubled over crying on the floor they hurt so bad.

Don’t look down there it’s gross I only want the doctor to look.  Really try laying in a room with your goods all hanging out for a roomful of people to stare at.  I’ve had more people look at my goods then I can count. 

Drugs I can’t do drugs they are harmful to me and the baby.  I call that happy juice, give it to me. I am confident pumpkin is still going to love me once the happy juice kicks in. 

So you see in a way I am thankful for IVF. It prepared me to tackle one of the hardest few hours of my life in 94 days. 

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3rd Beta

3rd Beta = 3197 at 24 DPO.  We wanted anything over 1600 so we are very happy with 3197.

Now I am scheduling my 1st US for pregnancy #2.  Dr C said I could schedule it for late this week or early next week.  But….since pregnancy #1 broke my heart I am scheduling it for 10/21 or 10/22 which puts us into the 7th week.  I don’t know if I can take not seeing a heartbeat again.  The prayers will keep coming every day and praising god for keeping me pregnant for 1 more day.

I did have a dream last night that I was kissing a baby’s face.  The baby had brown hair and brown eyes.  It was smiling at me with it’s mouth open like it was going to suck my face.  I didn’t want to wake up of course I just wanted to keep smooching it’s face.  Mark told me this weekend god told him we are having twins.  I said did you dream that. He said no we just had a good talk.  Ummm I don’t know about that I don’t think my betas are high enough for twins but hey gods proven me wrong many many times.  If anything I am happy to hear Mark talking to god and praying for us.

I wonder what color heels I should wear to the appointment.  I am going to get a pedicure this weekend and have them painted black with a big red heart on my big toe.  I’ve had purple toes with 4 leaf clovers on them since before the retrieval.

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4th Anniversary and Beta #2

Beta #2 – 474 Eeeeekkkkk Please Jesus let this be it! Beta #3 scheduled for Monday 10/11.

Today is our 4th anniversary.  Our 4th year tested us, tested our commitment to each other and our ability to love and support each other.  I pray our 5th year is the best we’ve ever had. So far starting it out with BFP is a step in the right direction.

Mark and I are so different in every way.  He is a smart, logical, athletic, republican, procrastinating 46 year old man. I am an animal loving, tree hugger, democrat, stubborn 35 year old woman.  How we ever got matched is beyond us.  Mark got straight A’s all through college, graduated from Notre Dame and has spent the last 21 years climbing the corporate ladder.  I got C’s some D’s, struggled to graduate from a state college, working as a secretary until I could become a mom.  Mark was a bachelor for 42 years until he married me.  I have been told by his family, friends, co-workers that I must be really special because they never thought they would see Mark married.    

Despite all our differences we make it work.  I think we have both learned to love each other for who we are.  He doesn’t get irritated as much when I refuse to do what he says. I don’t cry every time he goes out to play golf or soccer.  We know we each need our independence to stay happy.

Happy Anniversary to Me!  It’s still cracks me up that I am married, married, me.

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Game on

I have passed the 1st hurdle.  I just have alot left to go but each hurdle is a gift.

Beta #1 – 203

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Your Thoughts and Prayers are Working

Ladies keep the thoughts and prayers coming. I mentioned earlier that Mark placed a picture of Mary and Jesus in our empty nursery.  I have been praying in front of it every day and will continue to do so hopefully for 9 more months.

I picked up the PIO on Friday and started taking it Friday night.  I am now on Endometrin 3 times a day and 1 ML of PIO once a day. I put myself on bed rest all day Saturday. Saturday the bleeding had stopped and there was very little spotting.  I took a HPT test on Saturday and the positive line was still there but very faint.  I took another test Sunday and it got a little darker. I took another test today and the line is even darker.  So we pray we are still in the game and have a healthy embryo digging in.  I haven’t spotted since early Saturday so we are keeping our fingers crossed. 

I know I’m not suppose to test at home but it’s actually helped me over the last few days. My spirit needed to be prepared for what we might hear tomorrow.  I am glad I had the weekend to rest and clear my thoughts.

One good thing has come from this infertility road. Each day I get to stay pregnant is a blessing.  I thank god everyday that I stay pregnant.  That’s something I might not have appreciated if it had come easy.  I might not have paid such close attention to my body and what it was telling me.  I am going to take the pregnancy one day at a time.  I’ve been relating this process to wearing the tightest corset possible. With each day it gets let out just a little bit more.  Until hopefully it just burst open in 9 months with big juggies full of milk. Hahaha

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Why Can’t It Be Easy

Thanks for blogoversary wishes I will be picking a winner soon.

So I tested on Wednesday, 9/29 which was 9dp3dt and it was a BFN.  I waited for Mark to leave the house then I had a HUGE emotional breakdown. I know it was early but still it was negative and all my hurt just came out.  I screamed in the shower asking god, why.  I bawled, bawled some more then pulled myself together for work.  I am comfortable in my relationship with god that I know it’s ok to get angry as long as I don’t stay angry.

Thursday, 9/30 I started spotting light pink, pink then by nighttime I spotted red when I wiped.  I had minor cramps so I just prayed it was implantation (This happened last time).  I couldn’t sleep at all, was burning up, and just tossed and turned. I was up at 12am peed, saw red. Got up at 3am and decided to take a HPT again within a couple minutes got a BFP, faint but still a BFP.

Friday, 10/1 I got up at 6:30am and showed Mark the test.  He said “So we still have a chance? I though Dr C said not to test at home.” Umm yes but you know I can’t do that so now I am paying the piper.  He gave me a big kiss and said “Ok we aren’t telling anyone until its safe.”  I agreed except for you folks, shhhh told tell.  Anyway I got to work and started feeling flow and went to the bathroom, more red spotting but only when I wipe.  I decide to take my glutton for punishment self to Walgreens and get more First Reponse tests.  While walking to Walgreens 2 blocks I felt lots of flow.  Got back to work and had soaked my liner with muted red.  I tested again at 11am and got a very very faint positive. Now I realize I tested after going to the bathroom 3 times in less then 5 hours.  The flow has slowed, my legs are resting under my desk and now I just pray it’s not a chemical.  Dr C is adding progesterone in oil to my endometrin and estrace today.  

4 more days till beta

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