Archive for marriage

Let’s do this

My cramps started creeping in yesterday and for me they start slow and then ramp up. I suspect when I ovulate but I have never fully tested that theory.  It’s a factor that played a part in my conception issues. Who wants to have sex when all you want to do is poop and pee. Or be doped out on Midol Extra Strength.

My brain is so use to food enraging the cramps causing them to get worse. Then all I want to do is sit on the toilet for the next 4 days. It will be interesting to see if the food elimination is going to make any difference. Though I am hungry right now I would rather go without then have to piss off my Endometriosis. Have you found any foods you focus on when your in the middle of your cramps?


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5 Year Anniversary

5 years ago today I married my handsome, fun, smart husband.  I am biased but think our wedding was beautiful and our honeymoon to Spain was amazing.

Our first 3 years were rough with year 3 being the worst.  I couldn’t wait for anniversary #3 to get over with because we spent the entire year fighting over our path to children. I wanted to adopt he wanted to do IVF.  Midway through year #3 I handed my marriage and path to children over to god.  Well only god knew that year #4 would start out with an amazing positive home pregnancy test.  Then before we knew it our amazing Rachel came into our lives.  We finished out year #4 loving on a 4 month old baby girl. A baby girl, that has brought Mark and I together stronger then ever. I know it’s not her job to heal us of the hurt, anger and resentment we felt in year #3. But her love is working wonders on our marriage and love.  We share an intense love for this little girl.  That love is helping us work together and learn together. Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate making it 5 years.  But this year our dinner won’t just be the 2 of us.  We find it only fitting to bring along our little miracle and toast to our future. 

Here is our latest family photo from Rachels baptism in August..I love saying our family!

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My new title SAHM

Well it’s the final countdown to my last days as a working woman.  My boss and I sat down in January and we discussed my future plans.  I said “My 1st option is to come back part-time but if that won’t work I am going to be a SAHM.”  He spent the last 3 months thinking about it and talking with the other team members.  They decided as much as they love me and don’t want to lose me they need someone full-time.  I understand and appreciate the thought he put into it. 

It’s going to be so weird not working for the 1st time in my adult life.  I worked all through college and since graduating in 1998. I have been with this company for 7 years and they have been so GOOD to me.  I could never thank them enough for supporting me and believing in me for almost 7 years.  I cried during our talk today because I know how bitter-sweet this is.  Shoot I wouldn’t be pregnant had they not given me the time to do IVF at the far away clinic.

I am so blessed to have a husband that can offer me the chance to care for our little girl full-time.  I know there are many woman who would love to be in my shoes. 

The independent woman in me is scared. Scared that I won’t like being with a child all day, every day. Scared Mark and I will have issues with money. Scared that I will depend on Mark for all my financial needs and get controlled for it.  My mom was a SAHM and fought constantly with my dad over how much she spent, where she spent it, etc. They ended up divorced in part because of money.

When the time is right I will head back to work and perhaps back to the same company.  Who knows I might be back in a few months because I just can’t do the SAHM thing.  I guess I just have to take a deep breath and trust that being a full-time mom will be way more rewarding than any career.

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Mark and I are back from our babymoon to Puerto Vallarta. We joined my dad and step mom for 7 days in the sun.  My dad and Mark get along pretty good and they both love to play golf.  Which gave my step mom and I time to rest, read books, and sun bathe. 


  • Mark upgrading me to 1st class for the flight to PVR. I loved getting treated like a princess for 4 hours. 
  • Warm weather, tons of pools, poolside service.
  • Whale watching, we followed a momma and calf while sailing on a chartered sailboat.
  • Reading “The Help”, it’s a really good book and I couldn’t put it down.
  • Spending time with Mark, my dad and step mom


  • No drinking, I had to watch others enjoy there cervezas, Spanish coffees, margaritas.
  • Looking like a beached whale next to the beautiful blond model we met.

That’s it, it was a great vacation and we had a great time.

Now onto the final countdown.  I won’t be traveling for a few months but welcome the reason.

My step mom, unknowingly snapped a photo of me laying on the beach chair.  I think I was trying to get flies.

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More Movement less Nookie

One of the benefits of my new found pregnancy status is increased hormones.  Hormones that make me cry, scream, enlarge my girls, and strengthen a developing baby.  It also increases my drive for nookie.  Yes I am using nookie so my blog will be harder to search.  The increased need for nookie has been fun for the first few weeks of the 2nd trimester.  But now it’s hitting a road block the more she moves.  In the last few days I’ve begun to feel her move throughout the day especially at night as I lay in bed, the bed that I enjoy nookie in. 

When my desire kicks in it’s quickly shut down by her movement.  It’s just so weird to be intimate when I have a human kicking me from the inside.  It’s really kind of creepy.  So I am sorry Mark but we will have to come up with something else or take a break until she gets here.  It’s like having her watch us at the side of our bed.  I promise to bring se.xy back in a few months.

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Do you have a natural pregnancy or did you go through IVF?

I am standing in the lobby of our company waiting for some guests to arrive.  A co-worker comes up and asks “Did you get pregnant naturally or through invitro?”  

I paused for a second or 2 to process my shock of such a bold question.  I don’t talk to this person often mostly a quick hello, how are you.  There were other co-workers in the lobby including a receptionist.  Our company has 150+ employees at my location.  So there I stood telling her my story as she asked questions.  It was an out of body experience but one that reminded me of the struggles I’ve been through.  She will have to go through IVF due to an elective tubal ligation she had in early 20’s.  She was sure she was going to adopt until she met her husband who doesn’t want to adopt. So if she wants children she has to go through IVF.  

A couple hours have passed and I am still in shock. Why would she suggest I went through IVF, unless people talk?  Now I haven’t hidden my struggles but I have been very select in who I tell at work.  Now I am flattered that I could answer her questions about IVF, clinics, cost, etc. But on the other hand I am irritated that I was asked “Is your pregnancy natural?”  My desire to have this child is 100% natural; my love for this child is 100% natural, there is nothing unnatural about this pregnancy.  How I got there wasn’t natural. The question just hurt a little. Maybe because it reminded me that, I didn’t get to make love to my husband and create this child. Maybe it reminded me that my body failed at getting pregnant for a long time.

So the answer is “No I went through IVF 3 times, lost a pregnancy and almost broke my spirit and my marriage along the way.”

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He’s getting a talkin to

This will be my 1st DH vent post and hopefully last.  As mentioned in my anniversary post DH and I are very opposite. I married a professional bachelor but knew what I was buying on 10/7/06.  When we were engaged he started to rebel or work out his dying single man.  He took a few golf/gambling/fun trips with his buddies. He spent one to many nights having beers with the guys.  I knew he was just letting go of single Mark so I didn’t say much.  Once we got married the trips and bar stops decreased dramatically.  Well single Mark reared his head this weekend. 

After the US which was a big deal at least for me.

 “Let’s go out and celebrate tonight.”

“Ok I already committed to having a couple of beers with the guys. But I will meet you later”  

Which was fine because it was 4pm and I was going to see my horse anyway.  So we agreed to meet up at the house later.  Well 7:30 rolls around he finally pulls in and goes straight to bed. 

I said “What are you doing we are going out to celebrate.” 

“I never said that, you can’t drink anyway.”

“Yeah but I can have juice or something”

“Let’s just do it tomorrow”

“Fine tomorrow night we will go out”

I spend the rest of the night hanging out with the neighbors.  Saturday rolls around he tells me he is going to play golf at 1:30pm. Ok, but remember we are going out to celebrate tonight. Ok. He gets home at 7pm and says:

“Are you ready I am starving?”

“Yep” I shaved my legs, got dolled up

“Let’s go to Koi(Thai place) or O’Charly’s”

“No O’Charly’s it’s not very nice, so let’s go to Koi”

We eat dinner within an hour and sat at the sushi bar so he could watch sports.  We had green tea to celebrate and were done eating within an hour.

“Are you ready to go?”


We head straight back home and he heads to bed by 8:30pm. Sunday rolls around we head to the Titans game with a couple of his friends(I know I know).  He has way to much to drink so I end up driving home. He’s passed out by 5:30pm. He gets up just in time to eat the dinner that took me 2 hours to make then goes back to bed. Then to top it all of…We have separate bathrooms because he is a slob. Mine is very clean and organized. I head to my bathroom last night to wash up and there is a big pile of crap in my toilet with the lid up.  My bathroom smells like A** and it’s all my pregnant self can do not to vomit.  I was so mad when he got home from his work dinner I couldn’t speak to him.  So tonight if he’s not asleep by 6pm he’s getting a talking to.  Ugghhhhh

I am pretty sure single Mark is freaking out that he actually might become a dad in a few months. But really your 46 years old, start acting like it.

Ok all better, hopefully we won’t have another post like this for a long time.

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