I had a doctors appointment yesterday. Things are going well, I still love hearing her heartbeat. I weighed in at 146lbs which is 4lbs away from my goal of 25 pounds. My doctor is happy with it and says pumpkin is roughly 6-6.5 lbs now. I’m not sure how they can tell but whatever. There is some progress with my cervix but Doc is confident it won’t be this week. I have 25 days to go and can’t wait to meet her. Mark and I can feel her legs getting stronger. He’s thinking she will be the next soccer star.
Her room is ready except for some shelves but Mark promises to have them up soon. He is also planning on painting our hallways this weekend. So the painting should be complete in a week or 2. We still need to install the carseat bases and have them inspected. Perhaps this weekend. Attached is my latest belly shot.
I start maternity leave on Tuesday May 31st. So my last day for 3 months will be next Friday. They are throwing a Farewell to Kristi party next Thursday. I am so touched by my companies support. It’s made this whole process much easier. I will come back Tuesday September 6 then I will decide whether to be a full time mom or work.
I am working on a post regarding crossing the bridge of infertility. I hope it will encourage those still fighting. It might be best to finish it when she gets her so I can truly speak from the heart.
Here it is my week 33 update.
I had a good appointment today with pumpkin measuring 22 on the fundal height scale. I have gained 17 pounds so I am up to 142. Yep I started out at 125 after 3 IVF’s and a miscarriage. My goal is still 25 pound weight gain so we shall see. Her heart sounded perfect and her head is down. Doc says it should stay down from now on. Pumpkin is developing a pattern of activity in the afternoons and evenings. Then rests from say 11pm to mid afternoon. Wouldn’t that be nice if she slept through the night within weeks of her arrival.
Don’t read if you hate TMI. Bad news…I have a hem.roid, yuck. It’s not hurting or bothering me it’s just gross and I want it to go away. Well according to Doc it will never go away. Once that vein pops out it’s out for good. Now it can shrink but will never completely go away. Man I joked with one of my BFF’s a couple years ago that I would hate getting them. Well jokes on me but I will take it for a healthy pumpkin.
I also made an unscheduled stop at a daycare near our house this morning. I’ve been told it’s best to just stop in so you can see the facility in all it’s glory. This center is supposed to be the best in our county and has a great reputation. It’s also expensive at $275 a week for infants. I did like the facility though and the babies seemed healthy and happy. They have a care giver for every 2 babies. You don’t have to sign a contract in case you want to pull the child out. They do require you to give them 2 weeks notice if your leaving. That will be perfect if I decide to be a SAHM right after my leave is up.
We have our 1st birthing class this weekend. So it should be a great learning experience.
So after my boss and I decided part-time wouldn’t work it was going to be SAHM time the anxiety kicked in. Will I really want to be home 100% of the time? Will I miss my job, making my own money, etc? The reality of it is I don’t know, I can’t answer that right now. I think I’m going to want to stay home but I don’t know I will. I can’t make that decision until she gets here and I live that life for a couple of months.
So…I quickly told my boss this morning as he was rushing out the door. He supports whatever I want to do he just doesn’t want me ping-ponging with my decision. HR thinks it’s a good idea to take the maternity leave to figure things out and I can always quit the day I come back. So they pulled my job posting and are hiring a temp to cover me for at least a couple of months. Right now I am at peace with this knowing I have time to make a decision. I get to collect my pay for a few more weeks, etc. Mark has been supportive of whatever I decide to do but agrees it’s wise to take the maternity leave.
Now I have to decide on infant care when I come back. Do I put her in a daycare or hire a nanny for a couple of weeks? Who knows….
Well it’s the final countdown to my last days as a working woman. My boss and I sat down in January and we discussed my future plans. I said “My 1st option is to come back part-time but if that won’t work I am going to be a SAHM.” He spent the last 3 months thinking about it and talking with the other team members. They decided as much as they love me and don’t want to lose me they need someone full-time. I understand and appreciate the thought he put into it.
It’s going to be so weird not working for the 1st time in my adult life. I worked all through college and since graduating in 1998. I have been with this company for 7 years and they have been so GOOD to me. I could never thank them enough for supporting me and believing in me for almost 7 years. I cried during our talk today because I know how bitter-sweet this is. Shoot I wouldn’t be pregnant had they not given me the time to do IVF at the far away clinic.
I am so blessed to have a husband that can offer me the chance to care for our little girl full-time. I know there are many woman who would love to be in my shoes.
The independent woman in me is scared. Scared that I won’t like being with a child all day, every day. Scared Mark and I will have issues with money. Scared that I will depend on Mark for all my financial needs and get controlled for it. My mom was a SAHM and fought constantly with my dad over how much she spent, where she spent it, etc. They ended up divorced in part because of money.
When the time is right I will head back to work and perhaps back to the same company. Who knows I might be back in a few months because I just can’t do the SAHM thing. I guess I just have to take a deep breath and trust that being a full-time mom will be way more rewarding than any career.