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It has been a long time since I have journaled the happenings of my life. I forgot how much I missed and needed my journaling process.

I started this blog years ago to help me navigate the infertility waters. Seven years ago I became a mom after three years of infertility treatments and two in vitro treatments. For seven years I have been loving being a mom to my one and only healthy embryo out of 45 retrieved.

I was forced down the infertility road because of endometriosis. For almost 20 years I have been dealing with the monthly cramps, bloating and bowel issues. During my treatments and pregnancy I got a reprieve from this shitty disease. But it came back within a year of having Rachel. I have finally had enough sitting on a toilet for days each month. But will not go back to laparoscopic surgery because it was the most awful experience surgically I’ve ever had. I know there are other surgical procedures that might not be so bad but after all the fertility treatments I wanted a break from doctor appointments, needles and drugs.

So I have read enough about the endometriosis diet and I am ready to take the plunge. I will be attempting to cut out gluten, dairy, alcohol, red meat, caffeine, and refined sugar. Which sounds like I pretty much get to eat nothing except fruit and vegetables. There are enough of us out there that are attempting this journey so I don’t feel alone. There are so many great products out there and recipes I feel inspired to give it a real girl.

I am heading to the grocery store today to start looking for products that can replace my love of milk, ice cream, steak, pasta, bread, and the list goes on and on.

This new blog will be mostly my journey with products, the diet and hopefully a reduction or illumination of my endometriosis issues.


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5 Year Anniversary

5 years ago today I married my handsome, fun, smart husband.  I am biased but think our wedding was beautiful and our honeymoon to Spain was amazing.

Our first 3 years were rough with year 3 being the worst.  I couldn’t wait for anniversary #3 to get over with because we spent the entire year fighting over our path to children. I wanted to adopt he wanted to do IVF.  Midway through year #3 I handed my marriage and path to children over to god.  Well only god knew that year #4 would start out with an amazing positive home pregnancy test.  Then before we knew it our amazing Rachel came into our lives.  We finished out year #4 loving on a 4 month old baby girl. A baby girl, that has brought Mark and I together stronger then ever. I know it’s not her job to heal us of the hurt, anger and resentment we felt in year #3. But her love is working wonders on our marriage and love.  We share an intense love for this little girl.  That love is helping us work together and learn together. Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate making it 5 years.  But this year our dinner won’t just be the 2 of us.  We find it only fitting to bring along our little miracle and toast to our future. 

Here is our latest family photo from Rachels baptism in August..I love saying our family!

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What a Difference a Year Makes

This time last year I was:

Preparing for my 3 day transfer (again)

I was holding out hope that 1 of the 2 embryos that made it would be our forever baby

I had given up my journey to motherhood to god

I was hanging out with the in-laws completing my 3rd round of IVF

I had finished injecting powerful drugs into my body

I turned to bee pollen, CQ10, Wheatgrass and acupuncture to help grow healthier eggs

Here is the link to my post from September 20, 2010

This year I am:

A MOM!!!!!!!

I kiss little toes and fingers

I breastfeed a beautiful little girl

I read story books and say bedtime prayers

I say “I Love You” many many times a day

I praise god nightly for his masterpiece

I haven’t taken much time to look back on the painful years before Rachel. I am living in the moment of being her mom. I am enjoying every second of it. I don’t mind the sleepless nights, I cherish every breath. She is my perfect lamb and I will never forget what it took to get her here.  But the painful times are still there.  Mark has mentioned a couple times “Maybe we should try for another.”  For me I can’t even go there, I don’t want to walk down that difficult road again, not now anyway.  The joy and love I feel shouldn’t be taken away by the fear of miscarriages, drug induced mood swings, embarrassing surgeries, needles and more needles.  Rachel has earned the right to have a happy and hopeful mom. 

If you are still on that difficult road please read my story as inspiration.  I know it can be hard to believe that your dream will come true but it can.  When I realized that my path to motherhood could come in many different forms, adoption, fostering, etc that’s when peace took over my journey.

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Needing Your Advice Again

So I am back to work and trying to figure out what is best for Rachel and I.  I am blessed to have a husband that can support us if I stay home. But I also have a husband that travels at least 60% of the year so Rachel’s care is on me 24/7.  We don’t have any family in the area except an 18 year old nephew.  Rachel is currently in a great daycare with 2 fantastic caregivers but its still daycare.  She contracted her 1st little cold this week and it’s upset me all week. I am hopeful my breast milk is going to knock it out quickly. I am petrified of her getting sick and her getting a cold already isn’t helping.

I can’t help but think she will benefit some from daycare and the interaction with others. I already think she likes it and is all smiles when I pick her up and drop her off. Yesterday she did her 1st art project which is getting laminated by the school.

So if you were in my shoes would you:

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Overdue Update

Well here we are 3 weeks after my last post.  Rachel is 11 weeks today and continues to steal my time, heart and love everyday.

Let’s see in the last 3 weeks we have had:

A baptism, Sip and See Party for Rachel, Roll Overs, Out of Town Visitors and the start of day care.

Baptism – Pretty standard for a catholic family.  Our normal priest was out-of-town on vacation so we had a sub named Father Titus. He’s a very nice man from India with broken english.  He kept calling her Angel instead of Rachel but we let it slide, god knows her name.  Here she is in all her glory.

The day before the baptism we had a party in Rachel’s honor called a Sip and See. It’s basically an open house for people to come meet Rachel.  We are so THRILLED to be parents we had to celebrate this amazing blessing. We had it catered, cocktails, decorated, the whole nine yards.  The party started at 1pm and the last guest left at 10:30pm. She loved it so much she didn’t nap the entire time she stayed alert and happy till 10:30pm. I guess we have a social butterfly on our hands. Here she is mingling with others.

We had a house full the weekend of the festivities. My mom, my brother and his family, Mark’s parents, our niece, and friends from Pittsburg. It was so great having so many folks celebrating this little miracle.  Here is Rachel with my brother’s girls. They were my 1st princesses especially the older one(my god child).  Rachel loved her cousins and can’t wait to see them again.

A couple of weeks ago she started rolling over onto her stomach but that is where she gets stuck and hates it.  I know it won’t be long before she is fully rolling over.

Finally she started her 1st trial week of daycare this week. I should say my trial week of daycare. I’m dropping her off a little bit each day to get me used to us being apart. So far so good I’ve only cried a little and I’m slightly enjoying the freedom to get things done. Hence why I am catching up on my blog.  I start work on Sept 6th and am going to give it a valliant effort before I quit. I need to make sure I have made my decision with peace in my heart.  It helps that the daycare is sending me updates throughout the day with pictures.  So there it is, it might be a while till I post again so I will see you soon.

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Beach and Babysitters

Our family just got back from a week at the beach with Marks family.  We had a great time and got lots of relaxation in.  There were lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents to hold Rachel. Some days she was over the attention and just wanted some time to herself.  My pediatrician said we could take her to the beach and pool as long as she was shaded.  That’s not an easy feat but I kept her covered while we dipped her feet in the ocean and the pool.  She liked the pool for about 5 minutes until I got her diaper wet then she was over it.  She didn’t like touching the waves but she loved hearing them.  Our BIL and SIl brought us a little baby tent so she could lay on the beach without bugs getting to her.  She loved that and even took a nap in it.  Here she is in all her glory.  One night our room was so cold I had to put her hat and mittens on.

We also got a couple date nights in.  We finally got to see Harry Potter – so worth the wait, it was awesome.  Then we went out to dinner and enjoyed a couple adult beverages.  It helps relieve the worry when there are 10+ adults back home watching our baby.

On a side note – we started cloth diapering this week and so far so good. I have washed them once and they came out good as new.  I am keeping a stash of disposables for Mark’s use or babysitters that don’t want to mess with cloth.  I think they are awesome and look more comfortable but then again I’m not Rachel.

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6 Weeks old and I’m Back in the Saddle

Our little pumpkin turned 6 weeks old yesterday.  Oh man we are in love with her round, perfect, kissable face.  She is starting to hold her head up and giving us 4 hour sleeps at night.  We have discovered gripe water is our friend and helps her little tummy quickly.  Gripe water is magic and helps her get the gas and poop out.  She is one happy baby once that stuff does its magic.  We bought our bottle from Whole Foods so it’s all natural and organic.  I think she actually likes it because she swallows it with a little grin on her face. Her she is laying on my OB’s exam table while we wait over an hour for my OB.

My OB appointment went perfect and I got the thumbs up to resume all pre pregnancy activities.  The exam hurt so bad because she said when you breast feed it dries out your ya ya.  Oh man having sex with Mark might have to wait a little bit.  Never mind that I already feel like my body isn’t my own.  I have some one sucking on me 12 times a day and occasionally pooping on me.

I did seize the good report and went riding for the 1st time in 10 months and it felt amazing. I rode with 3 ladies from the barn for over and hour and love it.  Roy even liked it despite the sweat dripping off him.  Rachel went to an amazing baby sitters house that lives on the farms property so if need be I could just ride Roy up to Rachel. Here we are about to head out on the 300+ acres.  Roy and I are in the middle.

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